My Healer

If you know me at all or if you have noticed on my blog then you will know that music is a big part of my life. I cannot imagine my life without my music, now dont get me wrong I am not saying that music is all of who I am but it is a big part of my idendity and my heart. The Lord comes to everyone in more ways then any human can think of, and for example the Lord spoke to Moses through a burning bush. Everyone has a way that they feel closest to the Lord. Some would say it is when they are reading His word, or some would say that just ovbserving and just taking in His majestic and magnificient and beautiful creation is when they feel the Lord closest to them. Mine is through songs. I became a Christian through a song it was the lyrics of that song that made me realize what I was missing in my life and it led me to my Lord Jesus Christ. I am a woman who can listen to about anything and like it and I can find anything inbetween the lines of any song. The Lord speaks to me through songs a lot of the time. When I am feeling down or discouraged or happy and excited He knows what to bring me. I love nothing more than to sing praises to my Lord and when He shows up so vividly and so powerful that I feel as though I am floating and He is my base. I lose complete control of myself and let Him in and I let Him speak so clearly to me as though it was the person next to me. I serve a God that is so gracious and is the definition of love and He is caring and compassionate and all deserving. I struggle daily and I sometimes am not okay with that but I have faith. (I will share the song that spoke to me today at the end of this post.)

But also this morning in chapel the Lord answered all of my questions I had last night in my last blog. This morning the sermon was on James 1:2-4 and it says "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have it full effect, that you may be perfect and complet, lacking in nothing." Just the verse alone speaks to me but what was said was so convicting. Steadfastness is the ability to take all thats in life and turn it and shine the spotlight towards the greatness of God. I think when James stated this he was saying when God takes something out of your life is always wants to replace it with a blessing if you allow Him too. Everyone will get a shot at suffering, it does not take a rock to realize the worst hurts are the hurts that YOU pysically feel. And some struggles given to you are to reveal the glory of God. When I heard all of this I realized that I want people to see Jesus through my pain. I want to take my brokeness and heal somone elses brokeness and allow them to see the good in what the bad has caused.

To share some of what I am struggling with right now is that my best friend left a week ago for 2 months for training. She will be leaving in January for two years to serve the lord in South Asia. I am so excited for her and I admire her obediance to the Lord. Amanda is the person that I depend on and the person that knows my insecurities and knows my heart. She is that person in my life that the Lord made that friendship. She is encouraging like no one I know and she loves me for and she accepts my weirdness. Amanda prays for me genuinlly and I find myself only wanting her presence when I am struggling or when I am laughing. She has made me see who I can be but now I am learning to see it myself. She does love me for who I am but she also loves me for who I can be, she has helped me pull out of some really hard times in my life. She has seen some of my most awkward and embarassing moments and some of my most paiful. She can sit with me and I dont even have to say anything and she gets it. She is in my mind the best description of what a true best friend looks like. She loves the Lord passionately and you can always see Jesus through her smile and her actions. She has a way with words that can make you feel so good and she is always their to lift me up. She is not afraid to tell me when I am wrong and she never once judges. With her leaving I had a hard time with it and I know she is not gone from my life because we have a friendship that the Lord inteded to last. But the reason for my saying all of this is because this morning the Lord brought to me this Why in the book of life do we expect every chapter to be good when God only promised that the last chapter would be good? Think about that. I am still struggling and still have some not so nice feelings toward the Lord sometimes and not every day is easy. But finding my hope is someting I know I can depend on in my Lord. I want to be mad for Him taking Amanda away for so long and have found brokeness in my relationship with God through it. I have forgotten to thank Him for her daily and trust that our chapter is not over. I have my days where I want to cry and I want to let everthing fall apart, but I also look foward to the day when she comes home and I get to experience it with her and hear her experiences and her trials while on the field. That excites me for her and the way the Lord is going to use her becuase she is one awesome person and every person she meets while over there will be blessed by her.
But I know the Lord is going to use me while she is away and my trials will not always be easy but I feel like I have to have space from her if I am going to be able to let the Lord rebuild my heart in Him. Allow me to not just open my heart to her but to other people in my life. Allow me to grow in my father and know that I am free and in love in the father. Because He is majestic and beautiful and gracious and merciful and He is my prince of peace Almighty God, Counselor, Holy One, Lion of Judah, Son of man, Son of God the I am, ressurection and the life, king of kings, my Jesus Christ. I am beyond greatful to serve a mighty God who saves me everyday and I am not worthy.

Here is the song that has been on my heart all day...

You hold my every moment
You calm my raging seas
You walk me through fire
And you heal all my disease

I trust in you
I trust in you

I believe you're my healer
I believe you are all I need
I believe you're my portion
I believe you're more than enough for me
Jesus, you're all I need

Nothing is impossible for you
You hold my world in your hands

Jesus you're all I need.