My Healer

If you know me at all or if you have noticed on my blog then you will know that music is a big part of my life. I cannot imagine my life without my music, now dont get me wrong I am not saying that music is all of who I am but it is a big part of my idendity and my heart. The Lord comes to everyone in more ways then any human can think of, and for example the Lord spoke to Moses through a burning bush. Everyone has a way that they feel closest to the Lord. Some would say it is when they are reading His word, or some would say that just ovbserving and just taking in His majestic and magnificient and beautiful creation is when they feel the Lord closest to them. Mine is through songs. I became a Christian through a song it was the lyrics of that song that made me realize what I was missing in my life and it led me to my Lord Jesus Christ. I am a woman who can listen to about anything and like it and I can find anything inbetween the lines of any song. The Lord speaks to me through songs a lot of the time. When I am feeling down or discouraged or happy and excited He knows what to bring me. I love nothing more than to sing praises to my Lord and when He shows up so vividly and so powerful that I feel as though I am floating and He is my base. I lose complete control of myself and let Him in and I let Him speak so clearly to me as though it was the person next to me. I serve a God that is so gracious and is the definition of love and He is caring and compassionate and all deserving. I struggle daily and I sometimes am not okay with that but I have faith. (I will share the song that spoke to me today at the end of this post.)

But also this morning in chapel the Lord answered all of my questions I had last night in my last blog. This morning the sermon was on James 1:2-4 and it says "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have it full effect, that you may be perfect and complet, lacking in nothing." Just the verse alone speaks to me but what was said was so convicting. Steadfastness is the ability to take all thats in life and turn it and shine the spotlight towards the greatness of God. I think when James stated this he was saying when God takes something out of your life is always wants to replace it with a blessing if you allow Him too. Everyone will get a shot at suffering, it does not take a rock to realize the worst hurts are the hurts that YOU pysically feel. And some struggles given to you are to reveal the glory of God. When I heard all of this I realized that I want people to see Jesus through my pain. I want to take my brokeness and heal somone elses brokeness and allow them to see the good in what the bad has caused.

To share some of what I am struggling with right now is that my best friend left a week ago for 2 months for training. She will be leaving in January for two years to serve the lord in South Asia. I am so excited for her and I admire her obediance to the Lord. Amanda is the person that I depend on and the person that knows my insecurities and knows my heart. She is that person in my life that the Lord made that friendship. She is encouraging like no one I know and she loves me for and she accepts my weirdness. Amanda prays for me genuinlly and I find myself only wanting her presence when I am struggling or when I am laughing. She has made me see who I can be but now I am learning to see it myself. She does love me for who I am but she also loves me for who I can be, she has helped me pull out of some really hard times in my life. She has seen some of my most awkward and embarassing moments and some of my most paiful. She can sit with me and I dont even have to say anything and she gets it. She is in my mind the best description of what a true best friend looks like. She loves the Lord passionately and you can always see Jesus through her smile and her actions. She has a way with words that can make you feel so good and she is always their to lift me up. She is not afraid to tell me when I am wrong and she never once judges. With her leaving I had a hard time with it and I know she is not gone from my life because we have a friendship that the Lord inteded to last. But the reason for my saying all of this is because this morning the Lord brought to me this Why in the book of life do we expect every chapter to be good when God only promised that the last chapter would be good? Think about that. I am still struggling and still have some not so nice feelings toward the Lord sometimes and not every day is easy. But finding my hope is someting I know I can depend on in my Lord. I want to be mad for Him taking Amanda away for so long and have found brokeness in my relationship with God through it. I have forgotten to thank Him for her daily and trust that our chapter is not over. I have my days where I want to cry and I want to let everthing fall apart, but I also look foward to the day when she comes home and I get to experience it with her and hear her experiences and her trials while on the field. That excites me for her and the way the Lord is going to use her becuase she is one awesome person and every person she meets while over there will be blessed by her.
But I know the Lord is going to use me while she is away and my trials will not always be easy but I feel like I have to have space from her if I am going to be able to let the Lord rebuild my heart in Him. Allow me to not just open my heart to her but to other people in my life. Allow me to grow in my father and know that I am free and in love in the father. Because He is majestic and beautiful and gracious and merciful and He is my prince of peace Almighty God, Counselor, Holy One, Lion of Judah, Son of man, Son of God the I am, ressurection and the life, king of kings, my Jesus Christ. I am beyond greatful to serve a mighty God who saves me everyday and I am not worthy.

Here is the song that has been on my heart all day...

You hold my every moment
You calm my raging seas
You walk me through fire
And you heal all my disease

I trust in you
I trust in you

I believe you're my healer
I believe you are all I need
I believe you're my portion
I believe you're more than enough for me
Jesus, you're all I need

Nothing is impossible for you
You hold my world in your hands

Jesus you're all I need.

Questions of Grace...

Why do I feel so alone when I know that my creator is right next to me?
Why is it that I had a wonderful weekend and the Lord spoke not only to middle schoolers but to me as well and right when I entered my dorm room I started to cry?
Why does it take all that is in me to turn to my Father when I am in need?
Why do I blame Him for my best friend leaving me to serve Him?
Why am I selfish about all things in my life?
Why can't I see what the Lord has made when I look in the mirror?
Why do I see the need to always be happy when infront of others?
Why do I go into a small state of depression when things in my life change?
Why cant I trust in relationships?
Why cant I love me for me?
Why do I deserve His grace?
Why do I deserve a Father who saves?
Why does He love me so much when I dont deserve His love?
Why does my heart ache?
Why cant i understand the meanings for the things in my life?
Why cant i turn away from anxiety and worry?
Why cant I give my fears completely unto the Lord?
Why do things always have to go my way, when I know they should be His?

I know these questions are different and weird but these are what I have asked myself tonight. I have realized that no one has said that life is going to be full of Daisy's and sunshiny days. I was a leader on a middle school fall retreat this past weekend and sometime through out the week I will share more about the weekend I promise, but this weekend was wonderful and God is good but what I question is why do I feel His presence inside of me but still have all of these questions? The one who is trying to steal, kill, and destroy is taking over my thoughts and before this weekend I would have blamed it all on the evil one but what I have learned is it all my fault. I am the one who decides whether or not I am going to let Satan control me. I am in the middle of some serious soul renovation. I am scared. I know the Lord is doing some serious things in my life right now and I have come to realize that me asking questions is my way towards growing deeper in my Lord God. I want to make a difference for the kingdom and the only way to do that is to listen to Him, Study Him and His word daily, grieve my pain but still trusting that the Lord is soverign and things will be okay. They may not have turned out the way you wanted but all that matter is that they turned out the way he wanted and that He shall be praised. I think everyone should write down their questions they ask God almost daily. They are not always going to be pretty and some of them can be kind of scary in fact but I think growing stronger in the Lord is not always seeing what is colorful in your life but what is grey. I want the Lord to show me who I have really been and I want to change. I want to depend myself with Him and not with others. I want to honestly know that things are going to be okay. You know I prayed the other night that the Lord would renovate my heart and show me my wrong ways and lead me to His right ways, when I was praying this I knew things were going to get ugly in my heart and my emotions and things mentally might go crazy but what I didnt know at the time was that it was my decision to allow Him to take control when times of pain and grief and sorrow or if I wanted the evil one to stop me from letting Him help me. Word of advice...if you ever decide to pray a prayer like that then you better be prepared for some crazy emotions some dark days. The Lord is mighty and I do trust that. Last night I watched the movie Prince of Egypt with some of my 6th grade girls on the retreat. First that is one of my favorite movies because Moses is my favorite story in the Old Testament, but anyways as I watched this movie for the hundrenth time I watch these girls who were in amazement of the parting of the red sea and the power of God through is people(but like I said I will post on the weekend another time) the reason I brought up this movie is because of a certain song that is sung in the end when Pharoah tells Moses that the Hebrews are free. I have always loved this song but it stook out to me last night and has been in my mind all day. have you noticed songs are the way the Lord speaks to my heart a lot of the times. I need to believe with my whole heart not just a part of it. The words in this song are so beyond powerful , God sure is good and He knows how to get into my heart. I am sorry if this blog is a little different but it is my heart and this blog is for me to express my feelings into words and if you know me at all that is a scary and exciting thing i know I am a bit random and scattered brained also this blog is about my spiritual walk with my Lord Jesus Christ.

"Many nights we pray
With no proof anyone could hear
And our hearts a hopeful song
We barely understand
Now we are not afraid
Although we know theres much to fear
We were moving mountains long
Before we know we could
There can be miracles
When you believe
Though hope is frail
Its hard to kill
Who know what miracle
You can achieve
When you believe
Somehow you will
You will when you believe
In this time of fear
When prayer so often proves in vain
Hope seems like the summer birds
Too swiftly flown away
And now I am standing here
My hearts so full I cant explain
Seeking faith and speaking words
I never thought Id say
There can be miracles
When you believe
Though hope is frailIts hard to kill
Who know what miracles
When you believe
Somehow you will You will when you believe
They dont always happen when you ask
And its easy to give in to your fear
when youre blinded by your pain
Cant see you way safe through the rain
Thought of a still resilient voice
Says love is very near
There can be miracles
When you believe
Though hope is frail
Its hard to kill
Who know what miracles
You can achieve
When you believe"

Not Without Love

I just love what this says and its crazy how so true it is for my life...

I tried Lord I tried Lord, Chin up, head high All zeal and no joy Thinking all my good deeds could please Jesus Boy, was I wrong Though I knew the right songs, all my cymbals and gongs played the melodies wrong And it wasn’t long ‘til I saw my disease A life spent wanting to please On hands and knees To make right, to appease God help me please This can’t be Christianity, it can’t be The whole thing’s like insanity Where’s the rest of eternal security? Where’s the hope of a God big enough to cope with all my hang-ups and insecurities? Certainly this isn’t breathing My chest burning and heavingI t’s like my pulse is ceasing Like my heart quits beating Yet this I recall to mind and therefore I have hope:You died, Lord You died, LordAssuredly, like the coming of the dawn, the Father’s love song goes on Drowning out my bitter songs And breaking through walls and barriers Christ swoops in, removes sin, picks up His bride and carries her So I can sing in agreement with the King this thing:There’s only one thing that pleases the Father The God-man on the tree in the midst of the scoffers Now I finally see that Christ is what Christ offers And I’m finally free in the love of the Father.

-Jimmy Needham-

"Loving God With Your Mind"

Philippians 4:8 says "Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything is worthy of praise, dwell on these things." Paul was very clear about what we need to think about. He calls us to think on what is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and admirable. The problem that we so often have in thinking about what is true is that we devote a lot of thoughts to the past and try to imagine, "If only..." Or we can live paralyzed with fear, imagining "What if..." We also waste time dwelling on the present when out thought are consumed with "life should not look this way. It was not supposed to turn out this way." All of those thought patterns are based on thoughts that are not True. We accomplish nothing with that line of thinking except regret, fear, and resentment. And there is your formula for some very depressed thinking. We must learn to turn that around and acknowledge life as it is. We must deal with the hear and now. We must learn to relinquish the regret, the fear, and resentment and ask the Lord to take everything- all of the circumstances-and use them for His Glory. He can do it, you know. I cannot explain how he manages to take some of our grand messes and rework them so that He is able to gain glory for Himself, yet I have seen Him do this over and over in my life. Ask the Lord to receive all of you- the good, the bad, and the ugly, and to take those negative things, pass them through the fire, and allow them to be used for His Glory. The amazing thing is that when that process has taken place, God can use those very things to minister to others who are hurting.

""if you let the Lord set your life on fire...people WILL watch it burn!"

A really awesome person shared this with me today, and it has really had me thinking all evening. All I ask is that you take time and think about what it is saying to your heart, because it has sure got me thinking. Thank you Britinie for sharing this with me. God sure does know how to speak to us in amazing and mysterious ways doesnt HE? We serve such a great God. My blog is all about the Lords light and his fire and how my life has changed since I lighted my candle to salvation. It is true if you truly are with Christ then He will shine through you EVER.

A Child Of God

With every breath with every salt
From what is seem to the deepest part
I offer all that i've come to be
To know your love fathering me
Father you're all I need
My souls sufficiency
My strength when I am weak
The love that carries me
Your arms enfold me
Till I am only
A child of God
With Every step on this journey's walk
And wisdom songs
But the soul is saught
I give my self unreservedly
Your arms enfold me till I am only
A child of God

Not to be anxious...

Today I have struggled with many deep emotions and have found myself stopping on my way to class to cry. I will explain more in a different post but what I wanted to share today was that God sure knows how to calm you. Anxiety has been taking over my life lately more than it ever has before. I have been worrying so much about so many things that I forgotten to take care of myself physically and spiritually. Today I started a bible study with some girls on campus and we meet ever Monday. Ruth McWhite a woman dear to my heart wrote this herself and is leading it. It is called Pathfinders. It is all about finding yourself in Christ. When I am finished with this 28 day bible study I hope to have found security in the arms of my maker and what it says in Philippians 4: 4-7 "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again; rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hears and MINDS in Jesus Christ." will be true to my life. I all caps Mind in the passage because I have a problem with letting my mind take over who I am. And with my struggles now I will not let my mind defeat me with thoughts only of what is wrong but for what is right with my Lord. I am not always happy with the Lord. I have been through so much in my lifetime so farr and I know these things that are broken in my life will allow me to further Gods Kingdom and be the woman He wants of me. But at this moment I am struggling understanding His will for my life. I am now stiving to walk the path of Christ and know it so well that when the lights go out I will be walking so close to the Lord and I will trust completely so that things are going to be okay and I will have a calmness in Him and not in others, and because of this I know this Bible Study will be that for me.


On a different note I also have something else that I am learning to deal...

A is a very special person in my life shared something with me and she said in these words "getting close to people always involves risk. Never let the fear and risk overcome the potential blessing it could be to really let someone know you." I have the tendency to not open up fully to people because of my fear in getting hurt because I have been deeply scared in my past and still today struggling with the baggage. I now am learning to be more willing open to people in my life who truly want to know about me and want to be there for me.

L-O-V-E

I warned you that my blog was going to be scattered and random, I am just taking my thoughts and putting them into words and my brain is a bag of weird, I am just warning you that sometimes you probably wont understand me but its okay because the Lord knows all of my words and meaning and He gets me like no other, and that is the purpose for my blog is to grow stronger with the Lord and dig deeper in my relationship.


He has covered me with His grace, can i recognize my Lord when things aren't the way I have planned? Why is it that in this world we use the word LOVE so abusively? We say that we love everything that is attractive to the eye but do we know that there is a God out there greater that TRULY LOVES us UNCONDITIONALLY. I lead a 6Th grade small group on Wednesday nights and last night Chris spoke on Zephaniah 3:17; "The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing." I mean think about that verse for a moment. Read it piece by piece, Chris did a wonderful job elaborating on this verse. "The Lord your God is with you" I stinking awesome is that. We put ourselves in secluded areas at times in our lives to get away from struggles and fears and disappointment but think how often we forget that the creator of the universe is right beside us and all around us all the time. So often we forget that when we are lonely and are struggling that there is a God that loves us and is with us every step of the way. I am only going to point out to parts of the verse and let you discover what this verse is saying to you. Another point was "He will take great delight in you" just reading this verse I get goosebumps of excitement and joy. After I read this I thought about the things I take delight in and the things that I love. I love my mother more than anyone on the earth, I would do anything for her (Yes mama this is true) she is the most courageous person I know and the Lords strength shines through her. I think about how much I love her and I feel like there cant be a way that someone could love more than this bond but there is. It is comforts me to know that God delights in ME simple ME. I mean I am at loss for words (which never happens). I have decided to keep this verse with me through out the day and sit in silence over it and listen to what the Lord wants me to hear about myself. I mean Gods love is so stinking awesome, and to think the Maker of the universe the almighty God loves me even when I screw up, He loves me when I feel like no one does. I want to encourage you that today sit in silence before the Lord and see what He says. Stop everthing you are doing and let yourself feel the presence of Gods love and let Him hold you and hug you.

Fire Fall Down

Fire Fall Down
This past week I have been struggling with what the Lord is trying to say to me about certain situations. I went to a Bible Study called engage last night and let me tell you how awesome it was. I sing in the worship band at my church for various student groups, and it has been a while since I have been able to be off stage and just worship the Lord. Now don't get me wrong I don't stop myself from worship when I stage but it is a different presence for me and I am still learning to let go of my fears and give it all to God. But last night standing there in the presence of God was so convicting. I feel closest with the Lord when worshiping through song, I love nothing more than to dig deep into His word but I feel like I am in the arms of my maker when in worship with His name. They talked about decision making in our lives and how being an indecision maker is where we find ourselves a lot. The bold statement that was made was "almost is not alright" what he meant was what struggles and fears and situations are you going through that you get to the starting line but then you back away slowly and never start the race. That honestly had me thinking hard about the things in my life that I make my way to the starting line and almost start and then I walk away. What Lord showed me last night hurt a lot but the fact that I have a God that gives mercy and wants nothing more than praise gives me reassurance that because He is in control I will get through these lies that are told to me. I am going strong and telling you my decision was to learn to love myself and see myself the way He does, and when I look in the mirror I see Amy Richardson a woman made from the perfect image of God. These insecurities and anxieties that are told to me by the one who wants nothing more than to steal kill and destroy and he will not take control of me. I have forgotten way to often how much I forget of the Lords grace and love. I do not feel worthy to praise such an indescribable and majestic God. He loves me anyways and with these struggles I will grow stronger with Him. My intimate relationship with the Lord is my most important relationship and always will be. I read last night in my quiet time 1 Peter 5:6-11:"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on Him because He care for you. Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy, the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast . . ." From the verse I learned how I had taken control of my life and had forgotten it is not mine to control and I need to Trust Him because He has everthing under control. I am through with satan finding his way into and chipping away at me bit by bit. My decision that I make today is that Satan is through messing with my decisions with the Lord and thus causing me to fall from His kingdom. I will put myself back under the hand of my mighty God. Oh thank you Lord for your Grace. Your fire will burn through my soul and I will be your daughter. Lord Show me your ways, show me your heart and your glory. The song that they ended with last night was Fire Fall Down such powerful words of truth.

This is my prayer...

"Cause I know that you're alive
You came to fix my broken life
And I'll sing to glorify
Your Holy name, Jesus Christ
You bought my life with the blood
That you shed on the cross
When you died for the sins of men
And you let out a cry, crucified
Now alive in me
These hands are yours
Teach them to serve As you please and I'll reach out
Desperate to see all the greatness of God
May my soul rest assured in youI'll never be the same
No I'll never be the same
Cause I know that you're alive
You came to fix my broken life
And I'll sing to glorifyYour Holy name, Jesus Christ
You've changed it all
You broke down the wall
When I spoke and confessed
In you I am blessed
Now I walk in the light
In victorious sight of youFire fall down
Fire fall down
On us we pray
As we seek
Fire fall down
Your fire fall down
On us we pray"

I thought I would share a song that has given me comfort for my day. I hope that it might do the same for you.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J95rAr0gOFU

A synonym for angry?

John F. Kennedy once said “I look forward to a future in which our country will match its military strength with our moral restraint, its wealth with our wisdom, its power with our purpose.” A clever man he was, JFK was one of my favorite presidents he is second to of course Abraham Lincoln (but that is saved for another time). I will say that I did not completely agree with all that he and his campaign stood for, but I did admire his love and passion for his country. The man could give a speech with such generosity and nobleness and intelligence. With those qualities I find myself so intrigued with this family and their crazy background, but anyways now explaining the reason for my quote. I hate that this is my first election that I get part in, I mean McCain and Obama they are both ridiculous but I find myself having some pretty livid feelings towards a certain candidate running for “Commander and Chief of the armed forces” (I apologize in all ways if this is offensive but I am a blunt person) and his name is Obama. First off are we seriously going to put a man in office that is going to control our armed forces and he has never had any experience in the military? What Yes America is so intelligent my word, I mean really? How in the world is he going to tell us how to fight and what procedures should he call on if he has never experienced it. This frustrates me so much. Anyways I was watching a court case held against abortion and Obama. Obama voted yes towards abortion in the state of Illinois. When a woman put on the stand shared a story about when she was forced with her job to hold a new born baby who was aborted through the umbilical cord. The baby was born with Down syndrome, and she could not bear to live it alone that she held it for 45 min and watch the heart beat go slowly down until it stopped. (I am crying typing this). When this type of abortion happens they take the living child that has a birth certificate to a room and wait until it takes its last breathe then given a death certificate, when the women shared this testimony Obama did not shed one tear. Is he human? This is cruel, it’s almost like in the Old Testament when people would sacrifice their children to the pagan gods the Lord did not intend for this. Abortion is MURDER flat out no other word is used for it. How can we allow a man who would watch something and agree with something so inhumane? My last thing that makes the cherry on top is when he was asked about his own daughters he said I believe that nothing my children do deserve to suffer with a child and when they asked him why for that comment he said that is above my payroll WHAT does that mean. He infuriates me so much. To think that a man with morals such as these could be running my country scares me but trusting in my Lord Jesus Christ I know a “David” will soon reign again. This country has lost its passion for what our freedom is really about. We have lost men who have a living fire inside of them to serve our country.

Rise and Shine

I am very excited about this blog!! I don't know how consistent I will be with my posts. I am hoping with this blog I will grow stronger in my relationship with the Lord. This blog will be my thoughts and discomforts and insecurities and my believes. As well as a little bit of randomness. My life is just beginning and I hope that with this blog others will be up lifted and they will find something through this. I find myself getting caught up with the ways of the world that I forget my TRUE purpose on this earth, which is to serve the Lord. When people look at me I want them to see the light of Jesus shine through me. With this blog I will be sharing my attempts of living a life glorifying to Him. It will have my ramblings and struggles and passions and beliefs. It will be disturbing at times because nothing in life is ever going to be perfect and God shows himself in ways that people cant even imagine. I am a disciple of Christ and just a women who is still discovering the majestic mysteries of the world. All I want is to hear the words "well done my good and faithful servant." said to me as I enter the Kingdom of God.